Star Wars: The Last Jedi

It seems everyone is wading into the debate over Star Wars: The Last Jedi, so I may as well, too.

Everyone seems passionate about their take on the movie; rarely have I seen a blasé review. There are two clear issues at play when reviewing a movie (or book, for that matter):

On one hand, there is the subjective view of the movie—how did you feel about the story? On the other hand, there is objective view—was this a “good” movie as judged by the traditional standards of production and storytelling.

The subjective reaction to the movie is polarized. Folks either loved it or hated it, it seems. Some loved the overtly progressive messages the movie emphasized. Others hated the way they feel the movie disregarded Star Wars lore and the established rules of the SW universe.

The objective reaction to the movie is less polarized. I have seen hardly anyone defend this movie as being well-directed, well-written, or well-edited. Almost everyone agrees to some extent the humor was absurd, excessive and out-of-place for SW. The basic plot premise is beyond ridiculous, and the subplots are pretty atrocious and pointless. The acting is pretty piss-poor in places (not that the actors had much to work with). There is really very little debate on these points.

But fans can forgive a lot of poor movie-making if the story wins them over. We all agree the SW prequels were not great movies, but at least the story Lucas conveyed was consistent with the overall story that he was telling. We suffered through a lot of Jar Jar to find out who Anakin was and how and why he was seduced by the Dark Side. Clearly, some people are able to overlook the objective failures of TLJ because they like the strong female leads, emphasis on diversity, and other progressive themes. Cool.

SPOLIERS to follow:

In case you can’t tell, I fall firmly into the group that hates this movie. Yes, hate. I walked out and said to my son, “I just saw my childhood hero blow away like a fart in the wind. Literally.” I felt physically ill, like I had just drunk green milk freshly squeezed from the disgustingly engorged teat of a space walrus. (Yes, Jedi Master Luke did that, and it’s NOT the worst thing that Rian Johnson did to him in this film. Not by a long shot.)

Kevin Smith eloquently stated ‘fans have been following Luke’s story for 40 years—from farm boy dreaming of space to Jedi Master.’ He’s right. We are emotionally invested. It’s the epic of our generation. Rian Johnson just trashed all that, apparently for the sake of doing the unexpected. He just shit upon an entire generation’s dreams and ideals for the sake of calling himself a director who’s “brave” enough to shit upon an entire generation’s dreams and ideals.

Rather than go point-by-point, just suffice it to say, nothing plays out in a way anybody expected—and contrary to what some say, that is NOT a good thing. Here’s why:

After The Force Awakens, fans speculated on every plausible theory regarding Luke, Rey, Snoke, the finding of artifacts, etc. If it was plausible, there was a group of fans somewhere in the galaxy that expected it. Note the repeated use of the word “plausible.” In order for Rian Johnson to repeatedly do what nobody expected, he had to repeatedly do stuff that was not plausible. Leia Poppins.

This does not make a movie great and full of twists—this makes the movie implausible and incoherent. It is without rhyme or reason, blurting out the unexpected at the most unexpected moment. It is the celluloid equivalent of a schizophrenic with Tourette’s, and that’s about the best thing I can say about this movie.

Trashing your core audience’s most beloved mythos is not a “twist.” It’s not revolutionary. It’s lazy writing and production. There’s a reason why good movies don’t this: it weakens the story and audiences hate it.

Sadly, some will allege I’m just saying all this because I didn’t like the progressive messages of the movie. That is not true. This movie is just bad. Now, I didn’t care for the fact that Disney turned SW into a progressive soap box, but it was because they sacrificed story, plot, character development, consistency, etc. to do it. I loved Rogue One, and it had a pretty strong progressive message. I didn’t really care about that—the movie was well-written, the characters were worth caring about, and the film delivered big-time as a strong SW story. I initially had minimal interest in seeing or hearing the Rogue One since we all knew how it ended before we ever saw it. However, it was—dare I say—stellar.

The Last Jedi is no Rogue One.

If you think about the TLJ, it was a sparkly train-wreck. Plenty of explosions for casual fans to see when they bother to look up from their phone, but lacking on depth of character or a meaningful or cohesive story. It was on par with the last Transformers movie in terms of being vapid but fun to look at.

Here’s my number one complaint: This is part 8 of a 9-part story, the heart of which is the Skywalker family. Rian Johnson acted as if this was the first movie of his already promised spin-off trilogy, and he made the Force a go-to Deus ex Machina (can’t wait to see how stupid he gets with the Force in those films). Any preposterous scenario could be created because Johnson just solves it with the Force. Leia Poppins. Here’s why that is THE fatal flaw of this movie: the Force is finite. The entire SW story is predicated on that fact. Think about it:

The entire premise of Star Wars is based on Anakin, the Chosen One, being turned from good to bad. Why did he turn? Because the Force is limited, and despite all his power, he couldn’t do the one thing he wanted most: prevent the deaths of those he loved. So he was seduced to the Dark Side by promises of unknown powers to stop death.

Now anyone can do anything. Leia Poppins. Without training or discipline. Rey is the Mary Sue in a room full of Mary Sues. It’s silly. It’s like a small child wrote this movie.

Another thing that is unforgivably egregious: Johnson retro-rendered the death of Han Solo utterly and completely meaningless. The whole point to Han’s death at the hands of Ben Solo was for Ben to put his inner conflict to rest. To do something so unequivocally evil that he was fully and irrevocably committed to the Dark Side. But no. Johnson built this ridiculous story around Ben continuing to be conflicted. That’s not a twist, Rian Johnson—that’s amateur storytelling for an audience you assume is half-brain dead and only watching the explosions. It is incredibly disrespectful to SW fans.

Overall, the movie is just poorly executed—from both an objective ‘how well-crafted is this movie’ standpoint, and from the subjective standpoint of a SW fan concerned with the core story: the tragedy of Anakin and his son Luke’s eternal optimism which ultimately saves not only the galaxy, but his father’s soul.

But hey, “Let the past die”, right? “Kill it if you have to.” If that was Rian Johnson’s goal, it’s the one thing he succeeded at masterfully. SW, as the long-time fans know it (you know, us old people that kept the SW dream alive during the dark years after Return of the Jedi, when it was embarrassingly geeky to be a SW fan), is dead. He killed it.